An Evangelical Deal With The Devil

And it came to pass that the evangelical Christians in America were led into the desert to be tempted by the devil.

And the devil said unto them, “I’ll make America great again, all you need do is reach out your hand and join me.”

And so it was that the crowd responded in unison, “No, we will serve the Lord God and Him only shall we serve.”

But then, intrigued by the offer, Jerry Falwell Jr. stepped out from the crowd, “Perhaps we shouldn’t be so hasty, lets hear what the man has to say first.”  Then addressing the devil he asked, “What exactly do you mean by “great” again?”

“Exactly what you think “great” is” tempted the evil one, “The America you desire will continue to dominate the world system; economically, militarily, and culturally it will suffer no serious rivals.”

“Hallelujah!” exclaimed a voice from the crowd.

“Praise God” shouted yet another.

“Yes” responded the devil under his breath, “praise God indeed”

It was then that Jerry Falwell Jr. stepped back to confer with the other evangelical Christian Americans as to what they should do.

“I know this is the devil,” confessed a confused Falwell, “but it sounds awfully like God’s plan to me”

“Agreed,” said the others with hesitation, “but we really need some other assurances first.”

It was then that James Dobson, President of Focus on the Family, stepped up to face the devil.  Staring Lucifer in the eye he said, “You make a fair offer to my friends and I but we all know you stand against “family values”. I know who you are,” he said with an air of bravado, “you are the promoter of homosexual marriage in America today, I for one, will never support you.”

“Really?” said the devil.

“Really” answered Dobson with smug confidence.

The devil then sidled up to the President of Focus on the Family.  Placing his arms around Dobson’s shoulders he whispered into his ear, “You know, I have a secret I haven’t told anyone but,” he added,” I’m going to tell just you”

Dobson looked back at the other in his group.  Dropping his voice turned back to the devil and asked, “What secret?”

Satan looked around at the other evangelical leaders to make sure they were out of earshot, “Truth be told,” he whispered again into Dobson’s ear, “I really believe marriage is God ordained.”

“You do?” responded Dobson somewhat suspiciously

“Of course” retorted Satan, “I mean don’t you really think marriage is meant to be solely between a man and a woman?”

Dobson turned back to his other Evangelical leaders.

“I’m in” he said, “Let’s make the deal”

“What?” said the others with hesitation, “but… he’s the devil!”

“Hey,” said Dobson, “I’m not endorsing the guy per se,” he said with a twinkle in his eye, “but we’re are on the same page when it comes to family values.”

“Wait!”  The evangelical leaders turned to see Franklin Graham emerge from the back of the group, “The Muslims,” he asked,  “what do you propose to do about them?”

“Why ban them of course” exclaimed the devil.

“Ban them?” said Gary Bauer

“Ban them” answered Satan

“Is that even legal?” muttered James Dobson

“Shh,” countered Graham, “let the man speak.”

“I don’t know,” Falwell asked, his voice betraying a sense of unease, “what would your dad say about all this?”

“You just let me handle my dad,” quipped Graham confidently, “I speak for him these days.”

“But what about abortion?” interjected Ralph Reed, “could you promise the unborn will be protected?”

“Uhm, yeah, sure thing,” said the devil crossing his heart.

“And gun control?” added Falwell with glee

Standing to attention the devil saluted the president of Liberty University and smiled, “the right to bear arms will not be infringed.”

“And Illegal Immigration?” asked Mike Huckabee

“What if we built a border wall?” suggested the devil

The coalition of leaders looked at the Prince of Darkness intrigued.

“and?” they asked together

“and…” added the devil, “we make the Mexicans pay for it.”

“Ohhhhh,” remarked Graham, “this guy is good!”

“Amen” chimed the crowd

“But what do we do?” asked Ralph Reed, “we’re Christians.  We can’t make a deal with devil.”

For a moment the evangelical leaders seemed genuinely perplexed…

“But,” explained Falwell breaking the silence, “if it furthers the Kingdom of God…”

“and makes America great again” interrupted Dobson.

“yes…and makes America great again,” concurred Falwell, “it seems we are compelled as men of God to walk through this open door the Lord has provided.

The coalition leaders all began nodding their head in agreement as the devil stepped forward.

“Gentlemen,” he said extending his hand, “Times up.  Shall we make America great again together?  Do we have a deal?”

The group paused for a fraction of a second and then…

“We do indeed,”  said Falwell breaking the silence and reached out to receive the devil’s hand.  Then each of the other evangelical leaders in turn reached out to embrace the hand of the devil.

Sad that not one of the group paid notice to the man standing quietly in the back of the group.  A man who had the rugged look of a carpenter about him.  Watching the deal being made the carpenter slipped away and separated himself from the group of evangelical leaders.  When the man was alone he sat on the ground and wept bitterly.