Deconstruction is just Spiritual Puberty: And Why Many Churches Act As Puberty Blockers

I just became the father of a teenager (again) at the ripe old age of 57. Ah puberty, that delightful stage when the sweet kid who calls you “papa” and sees you as the center of their world, transforms into the angsty teen who avoids you, grunts monosyllabic answers, and sprouts hair from seemingly random locations.

Having been through the process however with two grown kids in their mid-20s my wife and I are comforted with the knowledge that all shall be well. Puberty is just a stage of life BUT it is a crucial one. It’s the time where a young person forges their own identity separate from their parents. They wrestle through the character, values, and culture imparted to them and decide for themselves what stays…

…and what goes, as they sculpt their adult persona.

”Great Steve, but what does puberty have to do with church?”

Well, I’m glad you asked.

In church circles “deconstruction” is the buzzword de jour. Large numbers of Evangelicals (particularly white Americans) are going through the process of reevaluating aspects of the Christian faith imparted to them and deciding what stays, what goes, and what gets modified.

• Biblical Inerrancy
• Gender Equality.
• Politics
• Spiritual Abuse.
• Racism.
• Purity Culture & Sexuality
• Hell (Eternal Conscious Torment)
• Old Testament Violence

Yeah, as you probably guessed by now; “Deconstruction” is really just Spiritual Puberty!!

Spurred on by several high profile Christians who have “deconstructed” including Joshua Harris (I Kissed Dating Goodbye), Abraham Piper (son of John Piper), and Marty Sampson (Hillsong worship) thousands of Christians are going through a “spiritual puberty” stage and, as you can imagine, the results are a tad messy.

Churches as Puberty Blockers

Much of the problem is rooted in the fact that churches, by their nature, kinda act as a “spiritual puberty” blocker. Just as certain drugs can be taken that will inhibit the natural growth process by blocking testosterone and estrogen, churches structurally have a tendency to inhibit spiritual growth beyond a certain point.

Admittedly most churches are great for developing new believers from “baby Christians” up through about pre-teen, spiritually speaking. At this stage, young Christians pretty much depend on the pastor for all their faith understanding and believe most everything they tell them. Just like young kids and their parents, anything the pastor says is “good” or “bad” is normally taken as gospel without a whole lot of thought or inquiry.

But people grow and as the years roll by, many Christians begin to question issues and ideas surrounding their faith often finding the “pat answers” they had accepted as newborn believers less than satisfactory as they develop.

And churches are like families in many ways. Any household who has had a teen go through puberty is familiar with the arguments, the slammed doors, and the mantra of “But WHY can’t I?” It’s not a particularly fun stage but puberty is part of the natural growth process as a child wrestles their way into adulthood. And wise parents learn quickly that rather than try to force their children into a perpetual infantile childlikeness, its much better to create a safe and nourishing space. A space where the natural process of growing into adulthood can occur that allows for a healthy family relationship between the parent and adult child when the emotional fires of puberty have eventually passed.

Sadly most churches don’t offer this nourishing space and worse, often feel threatened by it. Pastors are usually far more comfortable creating a space where spiritual toddlers hang on every word of their Sunday morning preach than dealing with spiritual teens with a saucy attitude asking why we don’t have any women on the leadership team.

Sadly, this is often where the family metaphor breaks down. In a normal household the bond between parent and child tends to be stronger than between church leadership and parishioner. Rarely, and only in the most sad cases does the emotional antagonism reach a stage where the teen leaves the family altogether. However, in the church there are literally thousands upon thousands of broken and battered Christians who feel ostracized, ignored, and often outright abandoned by the churches they had dedicated so much of their lives to. From the church’s perspective though its just much easier to recruit enthusiastic new baby Christians into a church than deal with problematic “spiritual teens” asking a lot of uncomfortable questions we’ve collectively agreed to ignore

Recently a pastor was asking me about evangelism and I simply said that they were lucky being able to focus on the “front door” of the church inviting “new believers” in whereas I spend most of my time these days at the “back door” of the church helping spiritual teens maintain a faith in Christ that will carry them through into spiritual adulthood. Let me tell you, the front door is a whole lot more fun.

Not unsurprisingly, when I became an adult I discovered I didn’t agree with my parents on every issue. We were all grown-ups with our own individual opinions, experiences, and understandings, but bound with unconditional love and the fact we are family means the ties that bind were always much stronger than any difference. And this healthy arrangement was largely due to my parents creating a safe space where I could process who I was during my teens and who I wanted to be as an adult.

Can you imagine a church that did that? Where we may have different opinions and ideas on issues related to our faith but united in the Way of Christ and love for one another? To get to that place though we have to be willing be there for growing Christians as they go through “spiritual puberty”. Where some of the quick simple answers will no longer work but a faith and relational bonds forged in a cruciformed image of unconditional love would speak volumes.

And just imagine the result. Instead of a generation of “deconstructed” Christians processing what’s left of their faith through a lens of mistrust, brokenness, and spiritual abuse, to rather have a generation of “Deconstructed” Christians who grew into mature adult Christians bringing a flourishing life to themselves and the communities around them because they had a church and a group of leaders that loved them as they went through the arguments, the questioning, and spiritual versions of “slammed doors” that puberty is bound to bring.

I can only imagine….

Peace,

Steve